Extra Chunky Police Blotter Haikau

I had intended to write a serious and incisive post about Christmas and family and disappointment with the usual thoughtful or happy ending. But just didn't have it in me. Family's hard for me to write about. Too many old skeletons sit up, grinning, and say "Howdy!"

So I wrote more police blotter haiku instead. As always, these haiku are based on incidents from newspaper "crime log" columns up and down small-town California and the West.

Breaking down the foibles of the world to seventeen syllables really helps me get my zen on. Perhaps, someday, I'll write my life story in haiku. It might be an enlightening exercise.

So here come the haiku, a few more than usual. There's a surplus of good material out there these days. Odd behavior seems to be on the rise, as does suspicion. May that not be the case in your life, however. Happy New Year to you all!

Wrote checks to herself
and cashed them to pay her bills.
This could catch on fast.

Food on the front porch.
The rats love it, neighbors not.
Plus the deer carcass.

Sliced ham was the plan.
They covered his car with it.
A delicious prank.

License to kill, please.
But just for the peacocks who
crap on my new car.

Your folks are fine, sir.
They hang up when you call because...
They just don't like you.

He pissed on his wife.
She complained, he hit her, it
went downhill from there.

"Backhoe" and "joyride:"
Two words that shouldn't collide.
It didn't end well.

Her vacuum cleaner.
sucked a bullet off the rug.
Then she saw the hole.

12 midnight, eight teens,
Cases of toilet paper.
A cashier suspects.

Police advised him to
not give his account numbers
to Nigerians

He burgled a bar.
But the police chased him down.
Liquor is heavy.

Politics, argued.
Later, sofa on his lawn.
The final retort?

He stank like the dead.
So while he napped in his car,
People thought he was.

Noisy kids upset him.
And he lives next to a school.
Whose problem is this?

Unlocked cars, rifled.
All across town that night.
The harvest, brought in.


(For links to all police blotter haiku posts, see the "The Police Blotter Haiku Collection" box in the right-hand column.)