You were all watching football or cooking and eating large birds and root vegetables. While I spent the afternoon writing police blotter haiku: seventeen-syllable derived from "police blotter" or "crime report" columns in small-town newspapers across America. Or, for this batch, from Santa Cruz north along the Pacific Coast. Enjoy.
It fell in the woods.
Who cares if it made a sound?
Power out for miles!
"Stop those teenagers
from throwing snowballs!" said the
caller with no life.
"Suspended license."
Doesn't mean you can't drive, just...
That you'd better not.
Their love's long gone, but
he left all his stuff behind.
Can she throw it out?
Male-female dispute.
Settled when the male half left
For the Motel 6.
Metaphoric crime:
Gold Lexus nearly hits the
crippled old woman.
Drug dealer, caught.
Was his own best customer.
And people noticed.
She changed all the locks
To keep him out of the house.
But it was his house.
There are none so blind
As those who nearly run down
A blind man (with dog).
Racoon finds trash can.
Knocks it over CRASH BANG POW.
Then the barking dogs.
"Coffee and a joint"
wasn't on the menu, so
they brought their own joints.
Police Blotter Posts So Far
Police Blotter Haiku
More Police Blotter Haiku
Son of More Police Blotter Haiku
Even More Police Blotter Haiku: Now with Source Material!
Bride of the Son of Even More Police Blotter Haiku
Police Blotter Haiku: the Legend Continues
Police Blotter Haiku for a Sunny Sunday
Mysterioso Police Blotter Haiku
Moderately Appalling Police Blotter Haiku
Vehicular Police Blotter Haiku
How to Stay Out of Trouble
Boys-Behaving-Badly Police Blotter Haiku
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3 comments:
I didn't realise our neck of the woods has so much rich, raw, haiku material to draw from!
emikk, the first one's from the Sentinel, the rest from further up the coast.
But locally, the Press-Banner and the Mid-Valley Post have the best stuff, because they carry the most small-time incidents and complaints -- just people being weird. Tons of odd stuff going on among locals up in the hills.
Carmel Pine Cone's good, too, for weirdness among the privileged.
But really this human-nature-gone-wrong stuff goes on everywhere; just where there's more big crime, newspapers don't bother to report the small stuff.
I loved all of these. Especially all of them. I was going to pick one out (the first one) but then they all cracked me up.
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