Police Blotter Haiku -- the Legend Continues

I find nothing more relaxing than a long quiet Saturday afternoon on the computer. Where, these days, I write haiku based on police blotter items culled from newspaper websites. Whether the column in question is called the Police Blotter, the Sheriff's Blotter, the Police Log, the Crime Log, or what have you.

You probably have better ways to spend a Saturday, but I'm weird. You knew that.

To me the blotter stories are little slices of life: that part of life, anyway, in which people go off the rails of an ordered existence and inexplicably behave badly. Whether by committing a crime or by suspecting everyone around them of committing crimes. In some small towns, there's almost more suspicion than actual crime.

Here are ten more, some with the source story and some without. Enjoy.

Snooze not in the park.
The cops told him to sleep elsewhere.

But where is elsewhere?

2308 — An officer found a man sleeping at City Park and told him to find somewhere else to sleep.


Teens holding pet snakes

made passers-by uneasy
As was the intent.


Picking flowers in
a stranger’s yard is wrong, so...
He wore a ski mask.

8:02 a.m. A man wearing a ski mask was caught picking flowers out of a resident's garden. When asked what he was doing, the masked man said he was picking them for his girlfriend and ran off.


Security cams
That protected the mall were

Easily stolen.

7/29/10 9:20 a.m. Eight security cameras valued at $9,600 were taken from the Grande Mall.


A pic of your dong.

You sent it to her cell but

only the cops called back.


It’s 2 am and

you don’t live here so why are

you in my hot tub?


Siblings often fight.

But when those two went at it,

the sheriff was called.

11:47 p.m. A 12-year-old boy and a 15-year-old girl engaged in an epic sibling battle that required the counsel of deputies.


His wallet waited
on the bar but the money
had wandered away.

1:11 a.m. After forgetting his wallet at a local bar, a patron went back to retrieve it. While the wallet was still there, $100 had disappeared.


Purse lost, and jacket.

Purse found, but not the jacket.

It was cold that night.


Her lost purse, returned.
Thanks to the sharp eye of the
Unknown Bus Driver.


His hand got caught in
some nasty machinery.
Details, you'll be spared.


Police Blotter Posts So Far

Police Blotter Haiku
More Police Blotter Haiku
Son of More Police Blotter Haiku
Even More Police Blotter Haiku: Now with Source Material!
Bride of the Son of Even More Police Blotter Haiku