Police Blotter Haiku

Rhumba and I drove up to the Bay Area this weekend to visit my sister and her daughter in Prettyville. Prettyville is one of those old working-class towns on the water that got gentrified into a lifestyle destination for the upper classes.

Everything is nice and clean in Prettyville. You will come upon no one unseemly. And if you do, they will be removed.

Not much bad happens in Prettyville. But apparently, people are afraid that it might. The "Police Blotter" section of the Prettyville Gazette lists numerous incidents that were thought to be serious crimes by the people who reported them. But usually were not. Each item is a terse little meditation on perception versus reality. They read like haiku.

So, I thought, why not take it one step further? And here, converted to actual haiku form, are a few of this week's "Police Blotter" items from the Prettyville Gazette. Enjoy....

Reported stolen
was a cell phone that wasn't
stolen after all

A panhandler on
B Street was told not to be
what he was being

Next door: a prowler?
Or a neighbor, midnight, and
your fallible eyes?

All of that screaming
was just a loud argument.
Can you imagine?

Two young men tussling
May alarm some passers-by.
But, it's just young men.

A man with no name
was struck in the face because --
There was no "because."

No cops were surprised
when an iPod vanished from
an unlocked Honda

Noisy party. Complaint.
Police. Promise of less noise.
The age-old cycle.

In a public place
The right to gather applies
to noisy teens, too.

A stolen car, found.
But a driver's license, lost.
It's always something.